She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Randomize
