I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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