Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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