my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
