then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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