sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rumble strips road head = magical
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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