I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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