Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
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In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
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