I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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