I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
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