keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
