I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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