i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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