Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently the secret to your success is patron
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
