So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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