hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
