you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
