never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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