we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
