forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
