gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
