i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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