I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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