I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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