Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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