i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
