yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he was CRYING into my vagina
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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