Fuck appropriateness.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
