I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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