he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
