my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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