I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
