When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
