it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
