My liver just broke up with me...
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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