i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The air was thick with penises
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
