I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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