she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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