Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
