Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
