I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
