Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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