This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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