Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
