If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
People with herpes should wear stickers.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
