I should be sponsored by Trojan
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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