So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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