it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
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