Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
