My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
