She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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