Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Randomize
