new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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