I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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