i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
