so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
