Just fell off a train. Bad.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
