1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
