did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
