i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
