I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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