meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
