I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
