Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
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