i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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