mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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