Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
