Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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