Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
