Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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