I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
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i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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