i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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