Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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