I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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