Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
