why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
