i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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