Hey man sorry I got all grabby
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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