I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
