me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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