yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I don't deserve a penis
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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