if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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