you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
