You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Barsexuality is the new black.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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